I re-did my pome to my friend. What you think about it?

Question by Ashley: I re-did my pome to my friend. What you think about it?
Were we always friends
Or did we really just meet
Although we have different instruments
We both play the same beat

Maybe we’re more than friends
Is it possible we’re related
Could we really be twins
That were separated

You and I, yeah we’re queens
What if we ruled this world
I wonder what we’d see
In the church a girl marrying a girl

For that is your dream
I want it to come true
This world is so mean
Saying no to you

I know this world’s been cruel
Yes I share your pain
These people act like fools
They don’t use their brains

No matter how bad the beginning
Just remember that in the end
You and I are always winning,
Valery I will always be your friend

Ok I tried to re-do it a little better so how does it sound now? Does it sound any better. The end kinda seems a little messed up to me. I don’t know If I should change it or not? Or if it sounds good? What you think?

Best answer:

Answer by Sarah
It’s a little difficult – as in it doesn’t roll off the tongue like most poems do.

What do you think? Answer below!